Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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