I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
