Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
