I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
