u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
