If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
