Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
false alarm. still invincible.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
