batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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