I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize