You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
