i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize