its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
