If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
