I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
