About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
