if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
