I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize