last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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