I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
