can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
