My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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