Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
