I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
