I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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