Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
