K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
