lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
