Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
