My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will be naked everywhere
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
