We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
