Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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