false alarm. still invincible.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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