So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
