i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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