We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
