I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
