all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
