big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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