I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
