Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
