yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
