Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
