i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
