The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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