lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
