Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
