first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize