highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
