Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
