You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize