We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
