That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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