I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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