I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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