im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
