I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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