I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
