on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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