My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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