I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
