another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
