i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i was born a porn star she said
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
