I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
