he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
