idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
