Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
