I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
