I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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