we have pet lesbian snakes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
