I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize